Rev. Richard Smith
Ephesians 4:5-6 (Words of The Apostle Paul)
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
None of us would question that we live in a greatly divided world. On every front – social, political, cultural, religious, there are deep divisions; some of which are causing extreme mistrust, if not outright disdain.
Disagreeing with one another is not in and of itself an issue. Even passionately disagreeing can be healthy. The problem comes when persons decide to castigate, to write off, those with whom they disagree.
How do we find constructive ways to interact with one another when the tensions are high and the personal trust is minimal?
Accept That None Of Us Have All The Answers
I learned fairly early in my pastoral ministry that there were persons in the churches I served who actually had more Biblical knowledge and deeper life experiences and that if I would let them, they could teach me much. This could only happen, however, if I accepted my limited awareness and was willing to listen.
Accepting that one cannot claim absolute truth or knowledge is always the starting point to a healthy way of interacting with others. It leads to dialogue, to sincere listening, and to prospective relationship even in strong disagreement. Whoever you are, however deep your spiritual commitment, however Biblically studied you are, none of us can wear the badge of absolute wisdom; of absolutely knowing God’s will and intent.
Practice Civility And Sensitivity
Again, none of us need to be told that lack of civility is a real issue in our day and time. One social commentator sums up our current atmosphere with these words: Is civility on life support? Public displays of rude behavior seem to roll out daily, leading many of us to wonder if civility and good manners are dead or at least on life support.
Isn’t there a way for us to disagree with one another without mistreating, denigrating, and dismissing one another?
Now, the starting point, as I see it, for finding ways to dialogue constructively in sharp disagreement is to see the other person as a child of God. We are a child of God. He/she is a child of God. And none of us are perfect children of God.
If in conflict over issues, I see you as less than a child of God, then the mental and emotional door is open for me to treat your perceptions as pure garbage. Now, granted, there are some viewpoints that are far from a credible Christian witness and these should be addressed (see below), but so often we each simply stand our ground and assume without question that we are right.
Constructively Discern Your Line In The Sand
We each will find our line in the sand wherein we can’t help but passionately defend our position.
There are matters of justice and goodness which simply cannot be tolerated. We should not tolerate any position of unacceptable mistreatment of others. We should not allow others to disdain those of different ethnic status or sexual orientation or religious conviction or gender status. We should not ignore those who denigrate other human beings and view their mistreatment as a natural and inevitable consequence. We should not allow hateful and harmful words and actions to go unaddressed.
Again, however, with prayer, with God’s help, we must do our best, even as we draw the line, not to fall prey to unhealthy personal attacks and to denigration of those with whom we strongly disagree. We can strongly challenge their views and their actions without becoming the shallow persons they seem to be.
Indeed, Pray
I think people of religious faith have a responsibility – and opportunity – to draw upon God’s wisdom; God’s help; God’s guidance; and God’s strength.
Pray for humility and honest awareness of your own selfhood.
Pray for insight into the Biblical references speaking to the issues.
Pray for strength to be as kind as possible.
Pray for discernment about the other person’s situation and background.
Pray for awareness of common threads in each other’s life experiences so that there could perhaps be some common ground.
Pray to be able to live Romans 12:18: If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
