On Handling Conflict

October 31

Rev. Richard P. Smith

James says here that most personal conflicts come from the need people have that things go our way. No matter how good a person we are, each of us at times can insist that things be done as we want them. There is no question that insistence on having things one’s way or an unwillingness to bend on matters of discussion and discernment creates conflict in relationships:  in marriage and family life, in the workplace, out in the community, at school, in public life, even at church.

So let me share three key thoughts here regarding conflicts which we may have with others:

1. Let’s face it…sometimes we are the problem.  Sometimes it’s our obstinacy, our unbending spirit, our attitude which is the problem.  It’s important that we admit the times we’re the impediment, apologize, and do better.  We can and should seek God’s help, in such moments, to have a spirit of humility and conciliation.
2. Sometimes, however, other persons are the problem.  There truly are people with whom it’s hard not to be in conflict…difficult people; caustic people; elitist people, judgmental people; haughty people, etc.  In these cases, we need to seek God’s help and the counsel of others how best to deal with these persons in as kind and healthy a way as possible.  This doesn’t mean capitulating to his or her unacceptable behaviors.
3. Some conflict, as a matter of conscience, cannot be avoided. When we take a passionate position on something as a matter of conscience, we most certainly are going to find ourselves in conflict with someone.  It’s inherently unavoidable.  The key here is what we do to handle this conflict constructively.  We can stand with strong conviction but do so humbly rather than arrogantly.

So, while conflict is inevitable given our human tendencies, it need not be unduly harmful; it need not produce hostility and recalcitrant division.  There is a constructive way.