Rev. Richard Smith
| James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, |
I wrote back in November about “empathy” as a part of the virtue of kindness. Few, if any, of us are ignorant when it comes to understanding what empathy is.
At the same time, I feel an all-too-often missing commodity in our human interactions is listening; really seeking to hear and to receive what another person is saying. One can’t really claim to be an empathetic person if he/she isn’t committed to being an interested and caring listener.
There are so many tenuous conversations taking place in our culture right now. They cover the gamut of topics like religion, health, cultural norms, international tensions, national frustrations, political alignments, leadership and/or the lack thereof, etc.
Most of us are good at listening to those who are dearest and closest to us. But what about those who are different from us, those whose choices frustrate us, those whose values surprise us, those who belabor us with their interests, etc.? It takes real effort to be a genuine and caring listener in these cases.
When I was in post-seminary work at Emory, my primary advisor was a seemingly grumpy, somewhat unapproachable teacher. He was known within the religion and theology community as one who seemed to love lecturing and teaching, but who didn’t express an aura of wanting to chat or get caught in casual conversation. Best stay away unless you just had to see this professor was the mantra. Well, I learned over the three years of seminary and the two years of post-graduate work that this was just his personality but that deep within himself he loved to probe the hearts and minds of the students who were in his care.
This professor was an earnest listener. As I, and others, struggled with theological concepts or the reading, writing load or the high doctoral expectations, we needed an empathetic listener. He turned out to be just that. First, he would just lean back in his office chair, look you straight in the eyes, and not say a word till you had truly stopped speaking. He, then, would wait a bit before responding; just long enough for one to realize that he really was taking in what mattered to us. And when he did speak, he would do so with a calmness and a sincerity which really addressed whatever the situation was . This seemingly detached professor proved just the caring and kind listener I needed in those days.
My life and ministry journey have been blessed with others who offered me listening ears and an open heart. Each step of the way their sincere listening proved to be seeds of encouragement and help.
Do we listen well? That is, when others share with us, do we pause and hear and receive before speaking?
Do we avoid forming answers or solutions before a person gets his or her story before us?
Amidst our current political, religious, and cultural tensions, can we converse with someone without letting our own perceptions and perspectives block listening to what the other person believes?
Can we commit as we prepare for a meeting, for a group conversation, for a gathering, to being an avid listener; speaking only as we’re sure another has been heard?
Will we seek God’s help to become a more mature listener so that others find in us a truly kind, sensitive, and caring person; especially as one who lays claim to the Lordship of Jesus?
