Rev. Richard P. Smith
Colossians 3:13-14
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
No one questions that forgiving others is a principal virtue in our Judeo-Christian faith.
Forgiving little slights, minor hurts, or small betrayals isn’t the issue; most of us can do that rather easily.
The issue of forgiveness for people of faith comes front and center when we’re addressing a great wrong done us; when we’ve been deeply hurt; when we’ve been profoundly betrayed. In other words, the virtue of forgiveness becomes central when we’re taking about forgiving what we cannot forget.
Let’s ponder forgiveness…
Forgiving Others Is Not Optional
One of the most sobering passages in all of the Bible is found in Matthew, chapter 6, where Jesus says, If you forgive persons when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive persons their sins, your Father will not forgive you sins.’ (6:14-15).
This saying of Jesus follows his presentation of The Lord’s Prayer wherein every time we pray it, we commit to God that we understand that He will forgive us “as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Obviously, God’s expectation that we forgive others is serious spiritual business!
None of Us, However, Can Forgive Readily and Easily
The best book I’ve ever read on forgiveness is one written by Lewis Smedes. Smedes is now deceased, but his book The Art of Forgiving continues to speak profoundly to this critical spiritual issue. In his book Smedes addresses the difficulty of forgiving others:
God can forgive in the twinkling of an eye, but we are not God. Most of us need some time…Nobody but God is a real pro at forgiving. We are amateurs and bunglers. We cannot usually finish it the first time.
What God does expect of us is that we keep trying; that we continue to make the effort to move toward full forgiveness!
Now here, again, I’m talking about the difficulty of forgiving egregious wrongs; not little slights which one can fairly easily ignore. When it comes to deep hurt, we don’t forgive readily and we definitely need God’s help!!
Forgiving Is Not Excusing Wrongdoing
Let me say loudly and clearly that forgiveness does not mean we tolerate the intolerable, accept the unacceptable, and excuse wrongdoing! Here are three fundamental insights about forgiveness not negating accountability.
- Forgiving someone does not mean tolerating intolerable behavior. We may forgive the person, but that person must not be allowed to get away with intolerable behavior.
- Forgiving someone does not mean a relationship can or should be restored. Smedes sums it up thoughtfully…Forgivers are not doormats; they do not have to tolerate the bad things that they forgive. Forgivers are not fools; they forgive and heal themselves, but they do not have to go back for more abuse.
- Forgiving someone does not mean they aren’t held accountable for their actions. We need to be clear here…forgiveness does not preclude justice; forgiveness does not preclude persons paying the consequences for their actions.
The One Who Forgives Benefits Most
The truth is that the one who benefits most from the act of forgiving is the one who forgives. When we allow anger and resentment and bitterness toward another person to build up within our spirits, within our souls and hearts, then we are the ones paying the greatest price.
The novelist and spiritual thinker, Anne Lamott, puts it well when she writes in her book, Traveling Mercies: Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die. That says it about as well as anyone can say it!
Allowing ongoing bitterness, anger, resentment to brew within our spirits, within our souls, is like a spiritual cancer for which there is no resolution and recovery. As long as we let these ill emotions brew within our spirit and stew within our soul, we will pay a big price spiritually, mentally, emotionally, even physically.
